Dude, Where's my baby?
by BehindTheMasqueradeMask
Summary: Sam and Dean find themselves without the Impala. Well, that is the case until a dark-haired, blue-eyed young man announces himself as Dean's beloved 'Baby'.


**I know, I need to stop new stories.**

**okay, so I saw this tumblr post about the impala being human, which has been done before, but using Ian Somerhalder as the impala, which sounded awesome so I wanted to give it a go.**

**for now this is just a one-shot, but knowing me I will continue later on, or change a few things round as it seemed rather bland.**

**disclaimer: I own nothing except OCs.**

**with that done, on with the chapter...**

* * *

Sam tightened his jaw as Dean's continuous cackling was like chalk on a chalkboard against his ears.

He focused on other things, the light breeze, the shadows stretching along the street; the few lamps that did glow orange, flickered a few times a second. Dampness filled the air, the slabs of concrete shimmering as it absorbed the water droplets from the recent thunder storm that had hung over the small town.

"Sammy. Oh come on Sammy, I was only joking." Dean said, trying to stifle his fits of giggles, miserably. Sam simply sighed with a death glare in his eyes. Dean knew, he knew how much he hated clowns. But still, his playful torment grated him, especially since the recent hunt involved a killer clown.

_Clowns...why is it always clowns? _Sam whined internally as Dean let out a choked bellow, clearly still finding Sam's continuous phobia of clowns the most entertaining thing in the world.

The walk to the impala was actually rather tranquil, well, as tranquil as it could be with Dean still snickering and the odd car zooming past in the late hours of the night.

Because it was such a small town, hardly anyone was on the gloomy streets. Sometimes they would pass a woman perhaps drunk, slurring words down a phone for someone to come pick her up, or a man swaying as he nearly tripped into the road.

It wasn't an odd sight for the two brothers, they themselves had had one too many before, it was something to wash away the reality for a few hours, pretend, pretend to be so drunk that the pain didn't hurt. But it always did, no matter how much was drank, the same aching pain in their hearts stung like a scar that was routinely ripped open.

It wasn't until they reached the place where they had parked the impala, that they realised.

It wasn't there.

Their Dad's black 1967 Chevrolet Impala, which they swore they parked alongside a pavement on a road leading out of the town next to a bakery...

Was not there.

The brothers stood with confusion, more so Sam, Dean just staring at the empty space in horror.

The minutes ticked by in silence, the light patter of rain splattering the road, resembled the twanging sensation inside Dean at that moment. With his eyes glued to the empty spot, he raised a hand limply, wavering it at the spot which he knew had been the place where his beloved _baby _had been parked.

"Dude...where's my car?" Dean finally croaked, but there was hinted rage inside the slightly humorously styled question. Sam couldn't answer straight away, following Dean's hand at the spot, eyebrows creased, confusion slowly diminishing as he replaced it with deduction.

"I don't...know. Where? I parked it here!" Sam stuttered, joining Dean's anger as the impala was practically everything. Their childhood, their teenage years, their adulthood. It was just as much part of their journey as them, even though he'd like to deny it, Sam understood why Dean spoke to it like it was a person. Sometimes, at least.

Dean stepped forward, still watching the spot intently until he whipped around and looked down the street, trying to make sense of it, trying desperately not to believe someone had stolen his _baby_.

"Yeah, you did."

The new voice. It was male, if not laced with sarcasm and slight mockery.

Both Dean and Sam snapped their heads towards the end of the road that lead out into the impenetrating darkness. Sam swallowed as a young man sauntered towards them.

The steps were rather weird, stiff even, as if each step caused the young man to wobble and loose his balance. Sam saw, that the young man held dark black hair, matching black leather jacket and t-shirt. But the face, it held creases of a smirking face, one that reminded Sam of Dean's which startled him slightly.

Dean was the first to act, meeting the stranger's steps with his own stomping ones, merely metres away from him as he spoke menacingly.

"What? What did you do to my car?!" He growled, but Sam hastily grabbed his shoulder, forcing him back as the stranger's blue eyes gleamed with cheekiness. He chuckled, smirk fitted in place as he responded with more sarcasm, one that was already beginning to irritate Sam.

"I didn't do anything." He said innocently, purposely placing his hands on his chest, before finishing with a killer blow. "I would only be hurting myself."

Sam once again creased his eyebrows, staring at this sarcastic stranger. The stiff legs, the Dean smirk, the obvious tone like Dean and Sam were just too slow. It didn't fit, but then again, it sort of did as Sam pieced it together, while Dean asked the question that would seal the answer.

"Who the hell are you?" He snarled.

The man smirked, and then pouted, as if trying to search inside his brain for an acceptable answer. And then, just as the rain began to pour, the stranger turned to Dean with a sparkle in his eyes and a cocky grin.

"You can call me..._baby_."

* * *

"He is _not _the impala."

Dean paced the length of the cheap motel room that they had bought for the night, mainly to somehow figure out what was happening. The so called _Impala _had began to realise that wet leather wasn't comfortable, and so, had stripped of the jacket and slung it on the edge of the nearest of two beds. With a pout, he pounced on the bed and lay width way, staring up at the mould-covered ceiling.

Sam turned to his brother after researching on his laptop for any source or lore that could somehow create an acceptable explanation for their car becoming a human, as figured, there wasn't.

"Stranger things have happened, Dean." Sam sighed, glancing at the young man as he raised a finger, only for it to circulate in his direction.

"Exactly. You got the crazy bitch in white, you know, the one that made me nearly run into you and kill you on that bridge. Oh and Sam, I still haven't forgiven you for driving into that house. It _hurt_. Ooh what else? Ah yeah, the Bloody Mary chick...that was an interesting hunt." The Impala murmured to himself, but Dean just shot him with a glare.

"Look, _my _baby...isn't some, guy who looks like he fell out of playgirl." Dean argued still, hands raised as he focused only on Sam, not seeing that the Impala had hastily sat up and gave him a fake innocent expression.

"You read playgirl?" He questioned, but instantly wore a cheeky smirk as Dean turned to him with an _I'm trying so hard not to punch you _glare.

"Shut up." He growled, only for the Impala to fall back with a snort. Dean turned to Sam with _help _scratched into his eyes, but Sam just shrugged his shoulders, this idea of a cocky _human _Impala was hard enough to take in, but a _guy _as well, it was clearly not something Dean wished for if his Baby could become human.

"So..." Sam began, coughing slightly to grab the Impala's attention, which worked quite well as his head snapped to Sam's voice. "How...did it happen? If you're the Impala." He questioned, a probable one that should have been asked earlier, though at the time, the human Impala seemed an irrational thought.

They had to..._name _him properly at some point, _Impala _and _Baby _were rather comfortable to say, and that wasn't even in public. But it was best to leave the unimportant things for a later time, right now, they needed to know _how _it happened.

"Well." He grunted, pulling himself up to sit cross-legged and twisted to face the two shell-shocked brothers. "You remember the uuhhh, trickster guy who turned out to be the Archangel Gabriel?" The Impala asked with a raised finger, pausing to see the brothers' reaction, which was a very clear disgruntled _yes_.

"I'll take those looks as a yes. Well, he suddenly turned up, eating I think toffees...or was it chocolate? Anyway, he saw me, in car form, chuckled and said something along the lines of "payback's a bitch boys". He snapped his fingers and ta-da, I'm human. And then he disappeared off somewhere by that TV static thingy." The Impala explained, though it was clear he wasn't really interested with the tale, wavering his hands over the place like a habit, possibly due to having to listen to Dean and Sam constantly rustling and moving when they were on their tragic road trip across America.

Sam sighed, a little shocked that Gabriel was in fact alive, but was irritated that it was _him _that turned their precious Impala into a human. Then again, it was something he would do.

"Please tell me you're not gonna keep me cooped up in here all night, right?" The Impala questioned, clearly wanting the answer to be a clear cut _no_. Sam didn't think it would be a problem, but according to Dean, this would be a problem.

"Yeah we are, until we can figure out how to change you back." He almost groaned, not at all thrilled by the idea of being stuck with this irritating young man/Impala/guy out of playgirl. Then again, he had to wonder why this cockiness was even there, then again, it could simply be Gabriel gave the Impala some of his _dick traits_.

"News flash...I'm pretty sure Gabriel won't be appearing for some time, so, you're kinda stuck with me. And as an extra bit of information, I don't plan on staying here." The Impala stated with sarcasm, forcefully standing up and pulling the leather jacket back on (though with some difficulty as the knack of it was unbeknownst to him), only for Dean to raise a hand.

"And where the hell do you think you're going?" He said it like a mother, which was ironic but also humorous for Sam as he snickered in the corner, which didn't help with Dean acting so serious.

The Impala turned to him and stepped forward, extending his height with a cocky smirk.

"I've had to watch as you two eat, drink, sit in warm and cosy cafés. While _I _was parked out in the rain, snow, wind...not exactly fair. So, now I'm human, I'm gonna sure as hell make the most of it and you two ain't gonna stop me." He sneered, with a tiny threat in his electric blue eyes, which startled Dean so much he backed off, slowly mind.

With Dean no longer in his face, the Impala huffed a chuckle.

"I'm going for a drink. Join me. But _don't _stop me." He stated simply, practically skipping over to the front door as he opened it almost majestically before turning back to the brother's with a mocking wave of his hand.

"Bye bye now." He singsonged before slamming the door behind him.

Both the brother's stared open-mouthed at the door for a good few minutes, likely trying to figure out how they had ended up in such a state as they were. Dean, like usual, raised his hands slightly with a questioning but disgusted scrunch of his face.

"What the hell just happened?"

He turned to Sam, hoping for a good answer. But Sam just sighed with piercing eyes trained on Dean.

"I think...that was the Impala threatening us." He quipped in a mutter, only for Dean to slap his hands to his sides with an almost perfect bitchface.

"Thanks Sammy, just what I wanted to hear!" He shouted sarcastically, only for Sam to argue his case.

"There's not a lot I can say Dean! I'm just as confused as you are, but one thing is for sure is that we can't leave _him _alone."

Sam struggled to add the _him_, mainly because it didn't sound right, but also because it was him admitting it was the Impala. Dean tightened his jaw and then grabbed his own jacket, pulling it on in a yanking fashion before storming toward the front door.

"When I get my hands on Gabriel-"

The threat wasn't finished as Dean slammed the door behind him, leaving Sam with an unfinished sentence and exhaustion aching his bones. But he didn't sleep, he simply twisted in his chair with a distressed squeak and began typing into his computer:

_Ways to summon Archangels_

* * *

It didn't take Dean long to pinpoint where the Impala had gone. He merely stepped into the first bar he could find, and found him sitting on a red cushioned stool in front of the sleek wooden bar.

Dean actually found himself hesitating for a moment. He glanced at the many faces, most young teens that looked way too young to be served alcohol, but it wasn't that hard to fake an ID, Dean would know.

Either way, he blocked out the insistent chatter and stalked over to the bar, dodging his way through the stumbling youngsters until he was able to slip into the stool to the left of the Impala. He sat there in silence, awkward silence, the Impala sipping what looked like scotch or whiskey.

Sam said he couldn't leave him alone, that didn't mean he couldn't join in a drink too. So, Dean signalled the bartender, who shot him an annoyed glare, before plastering a smile onto her face when she saw his own. He smiled back, as she sauntered over, purposely resting her arms on the bar to reveal her cleavage.

"What'll it be?" She asked seductively with a clear curiosity in her eyes. She was too young, even for Dean, but it didn't mean he couldn't play along.

"Just a beer...unless there are other things on the menu." He wore his boyish smirk, which earned a pursing of red lips from the brunette. However, his fun was cut short as the Impala snorted, slamming his glass onto the table as he bellowed a laugh.

It disgusted the bartender so much that she rolled her eyes and stormed to get the beer, and slammed it in front of Dean with a death glare.

"Your boyfriend is a dick." She hissed before disappearing to a back room. Dean stuttered in silence before clenching his fist as he snapped his head to the still choking Impala. When he looked up to see Dean's face, he simply began laughing again.

"You make it so detectable!" He bellowed, before wiping the fake tears from his eyes and took another sip of his drink, clearly proud of himself.

"Make what?!" Dean questioned angrily, only to be given a raised eyebrow from the Impala. He opened his mouth to say something else, but closed it, and thundered in silence as he brought the ice cold beer to his lips. It did hit the spot, and he ended up gulping down a lot more than he had planned to.

"So I was thinking of names. I know _baby _isn't something you want to be saying in public, then again, it might be." The Impala pouted, only for Dean to turn slowly to him with a look of pure loathing. "Okay I won't go there. But I was thinking...Bobby? Or Ben? Or Ian...I like Ian, sounds all _human-esk _and British." _Ian _said proudly, only for Dean to completely ignore him, which was a poor decision.

"After all, it's your favourite character's actor's name. Don't worry Dean, I'm good at keeping secrets...The Vampire Diaries is a good show I'll give you that."

"I'm going to-" Dean snarled, slamming the beer on the bar and was about to strangle Ian but stopped as heads turned in their direction. He froze until the heads looked away and began to chatter again, in which he gave up with the threatening and simply rested his arms on the bar.

"Okay...so my car is now human. Awesome. But why are you a guy, baby was always a girl?" Dean asked in a grumble, repeating everything just to hear how utterly ridiculous it sounded. Ian instantly took the glass away from his lips, but kept it close, just barely touching the rim as he spoke.

"You don't have to lie to me, Dean." He sighed, taking a sip as Dean retorted _very _quickly.

"I'm not lying. I always thought of you as a girl." He said evenly, clearly trying to act as such, but refused to look anywhere but the stain marks in the bar's wooden panel. He felt the vibration of Ian's glass resting on the bar, the rustling of his leather jacket as he crossed his arms scratched in Dean's ears.

"I was created through your imagination. Everything I am...is what you wanted me to be." He spoke hollowly, robotically which didn't serve the purpose of the wise speech. But the intense moment was gone as Ian removed his electric blue eyes off of Dean and proceeded to put the glass to his lips again, stopping just long enough to breathe one last comeback.

"And you do seem to have a thing for dark-haired, blue-eyed guys." He quipped, finishing the contents of his glass in one swift gulp. Dean shot him the hundredth glare, but knew it meant nothing as he rolled his eyes and tried to gulp down his beer.

"You know what's the worst thing about being human. Is that, you remember _everything_. Of course, before, I had no mind...but I remember every moment. I remember you convincing your Dad to buy me, remember the day Mary and John brought you home, and Sammy, that grey baby-carrier strapped in the backseat. I remember when you scratched your uncials on me with the pen knives...I remember when you repeatedly smashed me up with that crowbar after your Dad died. It hurt. But you didn't care, because you thought I was just a car." Ian choked slightly, his mind a whirlwind of thoughts, remembering every meant he had ever shared with the Winchesters.

hHe had to learn emotions too. They were complicated, that he learnt, but controlling them, denying them...that was a whole different game.

"You weren't _just _a car. You were _our _car. _My _car. Hell, you might as well have been our sister...or brother. You were always there, saving our asses. You're as much of a Winchester as me and Sammy. Probably me, seeing as you've got my charm." Dean said gruffly, attempting a smirk which repeated onto Ian's face.

After a moment, Dean gingerly outstretched a hand. It hung in the air for a while, Ian just staring at it quizzically, but eventually he shook it with a firm grip.

"Welcome to the family Ian." Dean huffed, which earned him a light chuckle. With a gulp of the still cold beer, Dean exasperated and then proceeded to stand up.

"Come on, knowing Sammy he'll be figuring out a way to change you back."

"He's wasting his time, because I don't want to." Ian said firmly with an ice cold glare, one which Dean didn't want to argue with.

"Well, it couldn't hurt to try to come to terms with this _human Impala _for a little while_. _Let's go jerk." He ushered, only for Ian to stand up straight and shove past him.

"Me first, bitch." He answered back, but with humour quivering in it. Dean shook his head and sighed, following after the quirky Ian...this was sure to be an interesting next couple of days.

* * *

**What do you think? Please review so I know whether anyone would want this continued.**

**I would like to thank everyone on Google+ for reading the first draft of this and giving amazing feedback :)**

**thats all for now. **

**~BehindTheMasqueradeMask**


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